I need help removing her.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
