I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
