I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
