True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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