You're completely useless in the revolution.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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