Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
