planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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