you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
