I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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