How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
