there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
