...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
