Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
