Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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