I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
