It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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