fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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