Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
so much tequila, so little girl.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
