my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
