its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
