I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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