what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
