Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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