Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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