also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
we should paint friendship bongs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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