i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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