That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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