You can't special order awesome
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
