If i come over, it means nothing
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
