barbara walters just said penis...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
