I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
