Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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