Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
