Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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