He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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