Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Is it penis luge time yet?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
