He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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