Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
