are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
