Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my sisters under your porch take her home
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
