I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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