i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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