Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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