Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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