Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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