Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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