I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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