I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
