she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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