Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
