Cold hands, warm shart.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
