She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
